We Are Nowhere and It's Now

I ain't as good as I'm gonna get, but I'm better than I used to be.

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It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.

A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.

Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.

You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see.

"
141,242 notes   |   Jul 25, '14   |   Source: neonenjoysign
"Sorry, but I don’t need any part-time people in my life. You’re either with me, or you’re not. You can’t just come and go as you please."
8,039 notes   |   Jul 25, '14   |   Source: ispeakquotes.com
"My heart is a thousand years old. I am not like other people."
1,427 notes   |   Jul 25, '14   |   Source: purplebuddhaproject
4,184 notes   |   Jul 25, '14   |   Source: pond-amellia
20,064 notes   |   Jul 25, '14   |   Source: fishnetsandwhatnot
"Be aware of those moments when the walls come up around your heart. It is a dangerous time. You close off from love. You close off from support. You close off from connection. It is in the moments where we most want to close off that we must open. We must do the opposite of what fear is telling us. We must resist the need to self-protect and instead make ourselves more vulnerable than ever. Keep opening. Keep sharing. Keep asking for help. Keep showing up, no matter what. We are all in this together. You don’t have to do it alone."
333 notes   |   Jul 24, '14   |   Source: liquid-diamonds-flowing

nyupanties:

im aiming for the “shes a badass and cute as hell but I wouldn’t touch her without asking” look

(via kingoftheboudoir)

384,518 notes   |   Jul 24, '14   |   Source: reifaun

asheathes:

Have you ever reached that point where you’re so consumed by a book that literally nothing else matters anymore and all you want to do is read and not study or do anything productive because none of it matters anymore because THIS BOOK

(via theoceanisnotsilent)

92,095 notes   |   Jul 24, '14   |   Source: asheathes
231,852 notes   |   Jul 24, '14   |   Source: anostalgicnerd
49,222 notes   |   Jul 19, '14   |   Source: beautifulonfire